self-care summer break

It's the most wonderful time of the year!  Don't cue the Christmas music just yet though because, for me, this time is called SUMMER BREAK!

After the worst school year possible, both inside and out of the classroom, I am relaxing daily this favorite perk of teaching.  After discovering I had Hashimoto's and completing a round of Whole 30 and then completely falling off the health wagon, I said that the summer would be a "self-care summer" and I intend to start on Monday.

The worst part of my disease is not the fatigue, the random rashes that pop up on my elbow pits, or the brain fog.  The worst part of Hashimoto's for me is the weight gain.  I think the anxiety/depression comes because of the weight gain.  It really sucks.  Gaining weight and then being so self-conscious about it.  "I'm sure he/she is thinking, 'Wow!  Meagan has put on some weight!'" or "Good Lord! She's gotten huge!" are the thoughts that flood my mind every time I step out of the house, so being a homebody has been the only thing to fit me lately.

My clothes don't fit.  I am having to buy larger pants sizes, and bigger bras.  I lack the confidence I had years ago when I was thinner.  When I was thin.  I wish I could gain that back instead of or along with the weight.

With that being said, this summer will be a self-care summer.  I plan to eat healthier, take probiotics, and relax.  I'm staying as far away for school as I possibly kind both physically and emotionally.  I'm going to be active at the gym and walking my pups.  I'm going to sell the crap out of Beautycounter and possibly even find a new recruit.  I'm changing my mindset because I have Hashimoto's, it does NOT and WILL NOT have me.

I haven't blogged in a while.  Life has been super crazy as usual, but this time it has been death in the family insane.  Y'all.  My momma died.  My biggest fear since childhood happened, and my momma, or Mom, as I became older and started abbreviating everything, is no longer on this earth.  My heart is crushed.  So many people have been praying for strength, comfort, and peace for the family because I've absolutely felt each and every prayer.

I am still so so so sad though.  My mom and I hated each other during my teenage years because we were both super awful.  It wasn't just me! However, when I finished college and became her equal, we were besties.  She worked as a nightshift nurse in Jackson while I lived/taught here and helped me with my rent by sleeping the days away at my apartment while I worked.  She'd pay me a certain amount of money a month just so I could make it as a single gal on a second year teacher salary. She was my favorite shopping buddy because I hate making choices, so she'd choose all my outfits-- and usually slap my wallet hand when I reached to pay.  She was so giving and so loyal.  I can remember getting so sick after a night of being over served at a Mexican restaurant.  She didn't judge me.  She held my hair back and said my vomit didn't stink!  Barb was the best, and I will miss her so much.

I can remember the days of her stomping on MY idea of being single forever.  She had me come to the SICU at UMMC once in my cutest outfit and best makeup job so I could meet a guy she wanted to set me up with. Awk!  She even set me up on dates with her coworkers she wanted as sons-in-law.  Despite all that, I did end up with the most amazing husband.  My mom was #teamandrew from day 1 . She always described him has having the best face.  And doesn't he?  I love my sweet husband, and am so thankful for the traits he has that my father had for my mom.

Y'all, her memorial service is this Saturday, March 16, 2019 at 2:00 at Trinity Baptist Church.  If you want to come show your support and love for my mom or our family, feel free!  I'm so thankful for a mom who loved me sincerely even though I drove her insane.  What I'd give for just one more shopping trip!

xoxo, meagan

blogging is tough work.

This should probably be a continuation of my previous blog entry, but I am not in the mood to do that right now.  For once after a medication adjustment and twenty-eight whole days of the Whole30, I don't want to talk about my thyroid!  I'll finish it later, but it basically ends with me having Hashimoto's Disease and about six months to live.  Just kidding about that last part!  Hopefully I'll be on earth for a good while longer.   Like the old song goes, "Lord, I wanna go to Heaven, but I don't wanna go tonight!"  Name that tune, friends! :)

My life for the last 28 days has consisted of label reading, scanning labels with a fancy app that I had to purchase, and throwing the biggest fits since early childhood.  I have been following the stricter than The Trunchbull rules of Dallas Hartwig's claim to fame, Whole30.  Living this life has been so hard, but very rewarding.  

Y'all.  In my first post on this blog, I revealed my weight (or what it was the day I went to Dillard's and 'shopped til I dropped' (too bad I didn't make that up myself).  Since I still have two more days left of this concentration camp of a lifestyle and I cannot step on a scale or measure myself, I have no idea if I've lost weight or not, but I really think I have.  My clothes fit better.  I sleep at night.  I have more energy than usual, but I'm not running marathons.  Yet.  There are so many non-scale victories that I've won: giving up the poison that is Diet Coke, reading TWO books and staring a third, and abstaining from Chick-fil-a for longer than a few days  I still have two days to go, and I'm so proud of myself for keeping a promise I made to myself.  However, when Thursday rolls around-- if you need me, call El Portrillo because this dog mama needs all the margs!  

xoxo, 

Meagan 

so this is thirty-two? great.

I've decided to start a blog because my husband said I needed hobbies.  (I blogged a long time ago on Xanga, but that was over twelve years ago, so my writing is very rusty.  I'll get the hang of it again sooner or later.) My dogs are also tired of hanging out with me, so this is it.

Hanging out in the bathroom instead of with me.  

When I turned thirty, I started gaining weight and getting wrinkles.  In addition to those ailments, I developed strong feelings of fatigue and anxiety, as well as other TMI for the internet issues.  I knew something was wrong, but didn't make it a priority to find out. 

It was not until I was approaching 32 that I began getting answers to these medical questions.  I was shopping in Dillards when I was suddenly awakened by the sweetest sales associate named Alexis.  I cannot remember what she looked like, but I will always be thankful for her for helping save my life.  My life was not really in danger, but she sat with me and kept me calm until the EMTs and my husband arrived.  I had passed out in the middle of the junior's department-- maybe a sign I should start shopping upstairs, but I'm not that financially blessed!

When I got to the ER, they rushed me back.  VIP treatment for sure-- then I stepped on the scale.  I don't normally look at the number and always tell the person weighing me not to say it out loud, but for some reason on this day, I decided to look.  I'd spent the summer running and exercising at the gym, so why not?  The scale read 140.  140.  I wanted to pass out again.  That is a HUGE number for someone of my stature.  I am only 5'3 and have a smallish (okay, medium-ish) frame, so those numbers mean I'm overweight.  One more ailment to add to my list.  🙄  I pushed through the IV, blood tests, CAT scans, etc. with ease, but just couldn't stop thinking about my weight.  I expressed concern to the nurse practitioner.  In less than a year, I'd gained 20 lbs.  Nothing had changed-- there was NO reason to gain that much weigh.  She suggested I have my thyroid checked.  After my blood pressure decrease and my lab results were ready, it was determined I passed out because my blood sugar was 58.  They fed my 140 lb self graham crackers with peanut butter and made me drink a regular Coke.

Alright, this is lots of information for my first post.  I'll continue with the rest later.